How to Know What to Look for in a Mate
by Carol Taylor

You probably have a mental list of the characteristics you would like in the person you hope to marry one day. These may range from such things as being attractive and having a great personality to being converted, giving and kind. And while there's nothing wrong with such ideals, they are rather vague and highly subjective. There is a major key in finding the love of your life that will help better define that special someone you should be looking for.

In Ephesians 4 God tells us what those who would be 'one' with Christ should be like. He's looking for people who don't lie, steal or use foul language. He wants them to be kind, loving and forgiving and to overcome bitterness, anger and deceit. The summation of all that He requires is found in verse 13: "…a perfect man…the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ" In other words-as He says He found in David-a 'man after His own heart' (Acts 13:22). Christ is hand-picking the perfect 'mate' to join Him in ruling this universe. His bride will be composed of those totally compatible with His laws and desires, those who are just like Him!

And therein lies the key to finding a truly compatible mate in this life. Find someone as much like you as possible. To do that you must know who you are and what is important to you. What are your core values, your deepest desires, the laws that rule your life, the overriding purpose of your life? What do you like to talk about? What do you do in your spare time? How do you like to live on a daily basis? The answers to these questions will help you know what to look for in a mate. True compatibility can only be achieved when two people share the same values and goals. This doesn't mean you must have identical personalities, but, like best friends you've had in the past, you must have a great deal in common.

While being physically attracted to someone is absolutely necessary, a happy marriage results when two people also want to talk about the same things, want to do the same things, live in the same way, vacation in the same way, have the same friends, and share everything of importance. Dr. Neil Clark-Warren states in his book "Finding the Love of Your Life," that the majority of unhappy marriages are caused by choosing the wrong person to begin with. Marriage is about sharing your life with someone. If striving to be more like Christ is the most important part of your life, how can you hope to be compatible with someone who doesn't even understand such things? That's why Paul says, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14.

"…It's tough to be single, to be lonely. I'll tell you what's tougher is to be married and be lonely. To be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to is a major issue" (Tommy Nelson: Essentials -September 7, 2006).

If you want to find someone you will relate well to, find someone a lot like you.