2010 Ashville Singles Weekend group shot. Right-click
and select "View Image" if you want to see it full
size.
Stop Trying
A number of years ago a single male student
at Ambassador College sought the counsel of a minister about
a personal matter. The student was intelligent and well
presented, but he had no girl friend, and he desired to
marry.
Privately, he explained the problem. It was
fortunate (and probably not happenstance) he had chosen
to talk with a wise man. He explained that all of his friends
were getting married, that he had dated girls, tried and
tried, and had not succeeded in finding his life partner.
"What should I do?" he asked in miserable desperation.
The counselor gave it to him straight: Stop
trying! Yes, that was his advice, to stop trying to get
married. He advised the young man to calm down, relax, enjoy
life, spend time with people, including young women in the
Church, but to take the pressure off by not trying to get
married.
For single Christians, the pressure to get
married can often be intense. It comes from family, from
the Church, and from the institutions of the Church, both
educational and social. "So why aren't you married?"
"What's wrong with you?" It all mixes together
with the internal desire to be espoused, and the combined
pressure may often produce misery.
Most good things in life don't happen under
pressure. We enjoy life most when things take place in an
unhurried, depressurized setting. Think of picnics in the
park, tossing the Frisbee, or rolling down the grassy hill
when you were a kid. Think of your best moments in prayer:
when all is quiet in the house, the work is done, and you
are free to spend relaxed time with your heavenly Father.
I'm reminded of a little incident I experienced
in a restaurant some years ago. It actually took place at
the Feast of Tabernacles, as I was enjoying a good meal
with friends. I had ordered a salad prior to the main course.
The waitress served the salad and asked me if I wanted pepper
on it. I replied I did, and she took the pepper grinder,
screwed it down hard, and proceeded to try to extract pepper
from it.
It didn't work! The pepper wouldn't come out.
I informed her that in order to get the pepper out of the
grinder, one has to loosen the pressure. She did so, and
the pepper flowed freely onto my delicious salad.
Life is like that. When we release the pressure,
it gets flavorful. When we release the pressure we enjoy
life more. When we release the pressure we become more spontaneous,
more carefree, and more able to love.
This paradox calls to mind a Scripture we
know well: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well"
(Matthew 6:33, New International Version). Ceasing to strive
for something temporal, be it food and drink, or even marriage
and family, and instead focusing on something bigger and
transcendent - the Kingdom of God - in a paradoxical manner
guarantees the provision of the lesser, physical necessities.
The story at the beginning of this article
is true, though I no longer remember who the young man was,
nor the name of the minister. It took place quite a few
years ago. I imagine you can guess what happened next. The
young man took the advice, relaxed, began to enjoy his now-pressure-free
life, and shortly thereafter joyfully found the love he
had long sought. Yes, and wedding bells rang, and they lived
happily ever after!
And the moral of the story is…
" Compassion is difficult to give away
because it keeps coming back."
